nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
