so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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