My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
