He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
