I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
