Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
