My first STD was from a foam party
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
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It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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