Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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