I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
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we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
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