you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
