I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
