so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
