if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
