recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
