Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
