After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
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In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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