well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
