Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
