Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
