shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
