I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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