So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
