I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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