omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
