I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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