I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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