I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
