ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
