Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
