My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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