Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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