There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
