you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I'm passing your future prison.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
