Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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