i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You took a bar mat shot.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
