I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
