I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
