Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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