so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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