Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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