He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
two words...techno handjob
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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