Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
