i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
