I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
