Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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