i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
