he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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