There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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