ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
