I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
