I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
