I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
