Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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