hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
