i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
