you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
