Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
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