someone owes me an orgasm
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Please don't give away my fajitas
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
