I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
