4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
