Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
