I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
