I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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