6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
