Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
It was confusing and full of hummus
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
