It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
