I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I FOUND THE LEGS
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
