Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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