who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
