i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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