I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
