Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
