Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
