I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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