if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
